Rock Star vs. Rock of Offence

Episode 13: No way home.

Finally with CD in hand I set out to promote it. Most indie artists have friends and family behind them to help distribute or get the word out. Not so true for Octaman.

First I sent CD's to supporters who ordered early to help support the effort. Both of them.

Second, I sent CD's out to CDbaby.com who will be setting me up with online distribution, such as iTunes and Rhapsody, etc.

Third I pass them out to a few people, such as my neighbor who actually listened to my previous music and liked it. He called me and was very encouraging...

Fourth I sent some out to radio hosts whom I thought may be interested. Bryan Suits was the inspiration for the song "Iraqi People Are Free" so I sent one to him with a thank you letter. Then there are two hosts at Israelnationalradio.cm I thought might like it, perhaps even put me on their show.

I didn't know how I'd pay for the postage to Israel, but thankfully I bumped into a student of mine at the grocery store who purchased one from me, and then a stranger who was curious about my dreadlocks also bought one. With this money I could send the packages out.

Fifth, my old band in San Diego had been in contact with me and expressed interest in possibly playing again (yes some musicians appreciated me!). I sent them a few to pass around...

Sixth, it's Easter Sunday and I'm invited to my sister's house. My new CD should be a big hit with the family, right? Will they say they loved it? Toss a few streamers maybe?

I show up and see my older sister's vehicle. She can't stand me. My dad is there! But everyone knows that my dad doesn't want to see me. This would be the first holiday together in nearly 4 years...

I walk in and it's like a fission device went off. "Hi dad, so how come you haven't wanted to see me?" I ask. Within seconds one sister is yelling at me, the other is sobbing emotionally, my brother in law is yelling at me because I asked, the kids are crying and running downstairs, my dad is bulging at the temples and screaming violent threats against me, while poor mom is swirling a half-empty glass looking at her feet, after quietly supporting me a bit.

It was just like old times! I felt right at home. :)

They set me up. It was a conspiracy to deliberately not tell me who would be there. I told them beforehand exactly what would happen if we got together - that I was going to ask what the problem was to try and facilitate communication - something foreign to our family. I said they would not like being asked, and the holiday would be ruined in front of the kids. Well in the words of Will Smith in the movie "I, Robot" - "somehow 'I told you so' just doesn't quite say it."

Their emotional abuse toward me has been ongoing for years. As often happens, bullies get support and the victim is blamed. It was my fault for asking why they stopped seeing me, stopped sending cards, etc. after dad screamed at me in a crowded restaurant during our last holiday meal with a vile stream of insults. Yet he is lauded as "a good father". I suppose, if a violent, drunken, philandering, gambling, absent-all-the-time dad is your idea of a good father. Still, I love him in spite of it, and would like to see a reconciliation.

I would've chosen a different setting, but they set me up, so I had exactly three choices:

First, I could have seen their cars in the driveway and taken the "small man" approach - turn right around and leave.

Second, I could take the "little boy" approach, sit down and bite my lip and sit across the table from those who hate my guts, continuing the stress of abuse, suffering in silence.

They would have all voted for that choice, as they don't care about my feelings, as dad used to always say - "I could care less, dear."

I'm not a coward nor a kid, I'm Octaman. I took the third option; Step up like a man, be brave and ask what the problem was, to break the cycle. Each of them responded with uncontrolled emotions, refusing to allow me to talk, so I was left with no option but to just leave.

Only my dad's wife cared to listen to me at all. Great having the support of your family at crucial times in your life! Par for the course!

Octaman